Red and B100
by Harry4nips
Summary: Karkat and Equius are matesprits. They just talk and have a normal conversation as significant others do. Based off of a roleplay. As I've said, I hate titles? Also nothing... Too in-detail happens. Also, HORSE PUNS. Sorry about that.


Equius stopped the robot's fist with his hand and turned his head back to his computer. Someone was messaging him. With a quick twist, the hand broke off. He punched it in the face; it flew back and smashed against the wall. The fight was over. The troll rubbed his partially sore knuckles and sat at his husktop to answer whoever was trying to reach him.

It was Karkat. A smile hugged Equius' face as he answered his matesprit.

CG: HEY.

CT: D - Hello

CG: WHAT'VE YOU BEEN UP TO?

CT: D - Building more robots, setting them to kill mode, and laying waste them

CG: YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THOSE THINGS TOUGHER FOR YOU.

CT: D - Yes, I suppose it is somewhat unfarrier on their end

CT: D - What about you

CG: ME? PRACTICING WITH MY SICKLE.

CG: WATCHING ROMCOMS.

CG: CODING, THEN BEING MADE FUN OF BY CAPTOR.

CT: D - Would you like me to have a chat with him

CG: I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOLLUX MAN, SAVE THAT FOR SOME OTHER ASSWIPE WHO DESERVES IT.

CT: D - Alright

CT: D - The offer shall remain open

CG: HAVE YOU PUT ANY THOUGHT INTO THAT IDEA I HAD?

CT: D - Pardon my standoffish memory, Karkat

CT: D - What was that again

CG: SOME SORT OF DESTRENGTHENER OR SOMETHING SO YOU CAN GIVE A HUG WITHOUT BRUISING OR BREAKING MY BACK.

CT: D - Oh

CT: D - Yes I have floundered with that idea

CG: I KNOW ITS BASICALLY AGAINST YOUR WHOLE "STRENGTH" THING BUT, IT'S AN IDEA.

CG: WAIT REALLY?

CT: D - I am quite fond of my strength

CT: D - But I am also quite fond of you

CT: D - And I could also hug Nepeta

CT: D - And finally be inc100ded in one of her tea parties

CG: WELL I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO GET RID OF THE STRENGTH, JUST FIND A WAY TO LIKE, HOLD IT BACK?

CG: IT'D STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED IT.

CT: D - I most definitely can do that

CT: D - But I do have an equestrian

CG: PLUS, YOU COULD FIRE AN ARROW.

CT: D - Yes

CT: D - Oh god yes

CG: WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?

CT: D - What if I am finally able to hug you without cracking your spinal column

CT: D - And you decide you like my hug

CG: THEN I WOULD KEEP HUGGING YOU?

CT: D - I could not hug you forever

CT: D - And you would not be able to hug me at just any point

CG: I KNOW.

CT: D - You are an e%uberant matesprit

CT: D - I do not want to disappoint

CG: YOU DON'T.

CT: D - What if Ampora does something to hurt your feelings

CT: D - Or Maryam or Makara

CT: D - And I am not able to hug you right away

CG: THEN I'LL WAIT.

CG: THE FACT YOU DON'T MIND... ME... MAKES YOU PROBABLY THE BEST.

CT: D - Mind what

CT: D - What is it I am supposed to pay mind to

CG: EQUIUS, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT AND WE BOTH KNOW IT.

CG: DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT...

CT: D - Is it your insecurity about your b100d again

CG: ... Y-YEAH...

CT: D - You are an e%ceptional troll all on your own

CT: D - And my anger and aggression levels have dropped ten thousand fold since I agreed to be your partner

CT: D - Even Nepeta, though e%cellent in her meowrallegiance, could not do such a thing

CG: YEAH

CG: BUT YOU'RE ALL ANAL ABOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM AND THE FACT YOU'RE MAKING AN EXCEPTION...

CT: D - Hush now

CT: D - If I didn't want to be your matesprit, I would not be

CG: I KNOW... DO YOU MIND IT THOUGH?

CT: D - Evidently not

CT: D - Karkat

CT: D - You are precious to me, and I couldn't ask for a better companion

CG: ... SORRY, I GUESS I'M JUST NERVOUS STILL.

CT: D - Another b100 b100d would be more statistically incompatible with me

CT: D - Also, Vriska is mean

CG: HEH.

CT: D - And Makara is incomprehensible

CG: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN OR THE SPIDER BITCH?

CT: D - I was simply giving an e%ample

CG: I KNOW.

CT: D - My apologies

CG: IT'S OKAY.

CT: D - I'll get to work on the thing

CG: AND IF ANYONE HURTS MY FEELING WE CAN JUST TALK ABOUT IT LIKE ALWAYS.

CT: D - I feel in need of a hug myself

CG: WELL, I CAN HUG YOU.

CT: D - That isn't enough

CG: I KNOW.

CT: D - Matespritship is about equality in giving and receiving

CT: D - Do I give you enough

CT: D - Am I an a%ceptable mate

CG: YES.

CT: D - Do I need to

CT: D - How would Nepeta say it

CT: D - "Up my game"

CG: EQUIUS, YOU'RE FINE.

CT: D - Don't lie to me

CT: D - If you are unhappy, I would prefer to know

CG: IN YOUR OWN WEIRD AND QUIRKY WAY, YOU'RE FINE.

CT: D - Ok

CG: JUST GET TO WORK ON THAT IDEA.

CG: AND THAT WILL LITERALLY SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS WE HAVE.

CT: D - I will

CT: D - Would you like to come over some time in the near future

CT: D - Arthour is learning some new recipes

CG: YOU KNOW I CAN'T WALK THROUGH ALTERNIA...

CT: D - I will come and get you

CG: WELL... IF YOU DO THAT THEN YEAH.

CT: D - Seriously

CG: YES.

CT: D - E%cellent

CG: I'D LOVE TO HANG OUT IN REAL LIFE RATHER THEN JUST CYBER-CHATTING.

CT: D - I only have a few more edges to smooth out and this machine you request shall be ready

CT: D - For building, that is

CG: WHEN?

CT: D - A few days at most

CT: D - And building will probably take a pedigree, more or less

CT: D - If you're willing to wait

CG: THAT'S REASONABLE.

CG: I'M WILLING TO WAIT MAN.

CT: D - Karkat

CG: YEAH?

CT: D - When we are in person

CT: D - Would osculation be out of the question

CG: USE SMALLER WORDS EQUIUS.

CT: D - A kiss

CG: A KISS WOULD BE FINE.

CT: D - Really

CG: IN FACT I'M PRETTY SURE WE COULD DO A LOT OF THINGS IF YOU MADE SURE NOT TO MOVE.

CT: D - Sitting still is one of my STRONG suits

CG: THEN WE MIGHT EVEN BE ABLE TO... GET MORE INTIMATE.

CT: D - Is...

CT: D - Is that possible

CG: OR IF YOU DON'T WANT TO THAT'S FINE.

CT: D - No

CT: D - I do

CG: THEN WELL.

CG: YEAH.

CT: D - But I never have, you understand

CG: WELL NEITHER HAVE I.

CG: SO WE'RE EVEN.

CT: D - Would I have to be bound

CG: WELL, MAYBE, DEPENDING.

CT: D - Oh god

CT: D - I need a towel

CG: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO NO.

CG: I WOULDN'T FORCE THAT ON YOU.

CT: D - The idea is making me bothered

CT: D - But not in a bad way

CT: D - E%cited, it seems

CG: OH.

CG: ... *OH*

CG: WELL IF YOU'RE INTO THAT THEN YEAH.

CG: YOU NEED TO BE BOUND.

CT: D - You should definitely wear an outfit you wouldn't mind being ripped

CT: D - Yes, good

CT: D - Tell me more

CG: I WILL.

CG: MAYBE SOMETHING IN YOUR COLOR.

CG: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?

CT: D - Very much so

CT: D - May I have the honor of disrobing you

CG: YES.

CT: D - This is very pleasing

CG: BUT LEAVE SOMETHING OF THE COLOR.

CG: SO YOU CAN SEE IT.

CT: D - I will

CG: MAYBE THE SHIRT, OR MAYBE I CAN WEAR SOMETHING ELSE.

CT: D - Something else

CT: D - Such as what

CG: LIKE MAYBE A NECKLACE.

CG: OR.

CG: A COLLAR PERHAPS?

CT: D - That would be delightful

CG: COLLAR?

CT: D - Yes

CG: THEN YEAH.

CG: NICE BLUE COLLAR.

CT: D - We must stop

CG: WHY?

CT: D - My e%citement is becoming unbearable

CG: WELL...

CT: D - Well what

CG: IS THERE A WAY YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF IT?

CT: D - I don't know

CT: D - I fear my strength will not prove advantageous

CG: YEAH.

CG: THAT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA.

CT: D - Maybe I could program one of my robots

CG: WOULD THAT BE HARD?

CT: D - Not e%ceptionally

CG: COULD YOU DO THAT IN A FEW MINUTES?

CT: D - Yes

CT: D - You wouldn't have to wait furlong

CG: I'D BE HAPPY TO WAIT.

He had to make sure it was properly in order, but Equius worked as fast as he could. After about fifteen minutes, he returned to his computer. A robot stood by his side, shining and awaiting the command.

CT: D - I think I have dun it

CG: ARE YOU SURE?

CG: CAN YOU LIKE, TEST IT?

CT: D - Yes

CG: OKAY.

CG: JUST TELL ME WHEN.

CT: D - This is not uncomfortable for you

CG: NOT AT ALL.

CT: D - Alright, I've set him to work

CG: RIGHT.

CG: SO THAT COLLAR.

CT: D - This

CT: D - Collar

CG: HMM?

CT: D - Tell me about that collar

CG: WELL IT'LL BE YOUR SHADE OF BLUE. AND I'M THINKING OF PUTTING A LITTLE TAG WITH MY SYMBOL ON IT.

CT: D - That would be invigorating

CT: D - Would you like me to wear a collar as well

CG: YES.

CG: IN MY ACTUAL COLOR.

CG: WITH YOUR OWN SYMBOL ON IT.

CT: D - Will my hands be bound above my head

CT: D - Or around my back

CG: WELL THAT DEPENDS.

CT: D - On what e%actly

CG: IF YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON STILL, ABOVE HEAD, IF YOU'RE NAKED, BACK.

CT: D - My heart rate is increasing

CG: GOOD.

CT: D - Is this normal

CG: A BIT NORMAL, BUT IF IT'S AN ISSUE WE SHOULD STOP.

CT: D - Just the idea is so

CG: 100D?

CT: D - In a good way

CG: HEH.

CT: D - Scandalous

CG: OKAY SO THEN, IF YOU'RE DRESSED.

CG: I'LL PULL YOUR SHIRT UP.

CG: AND RUB YOUR MUSCLES.

CT: D - Oh god, yes

CG: TRACING EACH ONE WITH MY HAND, BEFORE LEANING IN AND USING MY TONGUE.

CT: D - I can feel heat p001ing in the pit of my abdomen

CG: YOU'RE CLOSE.

CG: GET A PAIL.

CG: OR IT'S GOING TO GET EVERYWHERE.

CT: D - I do not have a pail

CG: THEN USE SOME OTHER EMPTY RECEPTACLE.

CT: D - Like the robot

CG: YES.

CG: IN FACT.

CG: WHAT'S THE ROBOT DOING?

CG: TELL ME.

CT: D - He is using his hand

CG: WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PUT YOUR MATERIAL?

CG: JUST ALL OVER HIM?

CT: D - I was thinking along the lines of

CT: D - Inside

CT: D - Is that wrong

CG: NO ACTUALLY.

CG: HOW IS IT GOING IN?

CT: D - He doesn't have a mouth

CT: D - Inside will not work

CT: D - I should stop

CG: DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER ROBOT?

CT: D - I have many

CG: ANY JUST A SHELL?

CT: D - Yes

CG: GET THAT ONE.

CG: AND JUST MAKE A HOLE.

CT: D - Alright, I have acquired just the shell

CT: D - Done

CT: D - With the hole, I meant

CG: NOW MAKE SURE IT'S BIG ENOUGH.

CT: D - Yes

CG: AND JUST RELEASE IN THERE WHEN THE TIME COMES.

CT: D - Ok

CG: I WAS LICKING YOUR MUSCLES RIGHT?

CT: D - You were talking about my muscles

CG: YES.

CT: D - And then what

CG: I'D MOVE DOWN AND LICK AT YOUR PANTS LINE.

CT: D - Oh yes

CG: AND SLOWLY PULL THEM DOWN, LEANING UP AND KISSING YOU.

CG: THEN I'D TIE DOWN YOUR LEGS.

CG: AND SIT IN YOUR LAP.

CT: D - I think I'm

CT: D - Karkat

CT: D - Will you say my name

CG: YES.

CG: EQUIUS.

CT: D - Oh god, Karkat

CG: I'D MOAN IT IN YOUR HEAR DUCT.

CT: D - I

CT: D - I...

CG: AS I GRIND DOWN ON YOUR BULGE.

CG: STILL COVERED BY THE THIN LAYER OF YOUR UNDERWEAR.

CT: D - AHH

CG: IN THE ROBOT EQUIUS.

CT: D - ...

CT: D - Is that what genetic material 100ks like

CG: YOURS.

CG: MINE IS RED.

CT: D - Would the color change if they mi%ed

CG: MAYBE.

CG: WE'LL FIND OUT.

CT: D - Yes

CT: D - I would adore to find out

CG: WANT TO KEEP GOING OR ARE YOU SPENT?

CT: D - I believe I'm spent

CG: OKAY.

CT: D - This was

CT: D - Incredible

CG: WHERE'D YOU PUT THE HOLE?

CT: D - The abdominal cavity

CG: I SUGGEST YOU THROW THAT ONE OUT.

CT: D - Noted

CG: IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO CLEAN THAT SHIT.

CG: THOUGH, MAYBE MAKING MORE ADJUSTMENTS TO THE OTHER ROBOT.

CG: WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA.

CT: D - Yes, that would be ideal

CG: SUCH AS A HOLE AND PLACE TO EMPTY INTO.

CT: D - As soon as I have rested

CT: D - I will get back to the machine

CG: HEH OKAY.

CT: D - You and I must spend time together at once

CT: D - That is an order

CG: FOR ONCE I'M HAPPY TO OBEY.

CT: D - You are an e%traordinary matesprit

CT: D - And my emotional attachment to you is unmatched

CG: I FEEL* STRONGLY* FOR YOU TOO.

CG: I THINK I MIGHT NEED ONE OF THOSE ROBOTS MYSELF...

CT: D - I will build you your own robot

CT: D - To do as you please

CG: REALLY?

CT: D - Yes

CT: D - It wouldn't be difficult

CG: ... GIVE IT A TRUE TO LIFE BULGE.

CT: D - That might take a little more time

CT: D - But certainly able to be dun

CG: I DON'T MIND.

CG: MY OWN PERSONAL EQUIBOT.

CT: D - With the finest equestrian phallus this side of Alternia has seen in one thousand sweeps

CG: COULD YOU MAKE IT LOOK MORE LIKE YOUR BULGE?

CG: OR AT LEAST YOUR SIZE.

CT: D - Yes

CG: GOOD.

CT: D - I feel very lethargic now

CT: D - I suppose I will rest

CG: YEAH.

CG: I NEED TO START SHOPPING FOR A COLLAR ONLINE.

CT: D - We will commence conversation at a later time

CT: D - Yes, collars

CG: YEAH OKAY.

CT: D - Farewell

CG: HEH, PLEASANT DREAMS.

CT: D - Wait

CG: HMM?

CT: D - (heart)

CG: (heart)

CT: D - Now I will sleep

CG: OKAY.

He didn't even bother going to his recooperacoon. He yawned and stretched, deciding a nice "kitty-cat nap" at hishusktop wouldn't be a terrible idea. Before he laid down his head, he kicked his useless-and-filled-with-spunk robot away. But the other one stood idly as if nothing had happened. And as he folded his arms on his desk, he felt a warm and cozy feeling wash over him. Karkat loved him. And he loved Karkat. And within a pedigree or two, Equius would be able to show it.

...

Author note: HOW IN THE FLYING FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PROPERLY REPRESENT A HEART AND EQUIUS' PREFIX IF FANFICTION DOT NET WON'T MOTHERFUCKING LET ME PUT LESS THAN AND GREATER THAN SIGNS.

other than that, i hope you enjoyed it


End file.
